The Way Things Used to Be revised
by Silent Hunter
Summary: Set in the Hork Bajir Valley. ON HIATUS. Might be re-revised.
1. The Nightmare

Disclaimer: By now you should know I don't own them…

A/N: This is a reworked (and hopefully better) version of _The Way Things Used to be_…

Cassie's POV:

Chapter One

Water pressed against me from all sides…my lungs felt like they were on fire…I was growing weaker…I wanted to give up…it would be so easy just to close my eyes and let sleep overcome me…so easy…

I screamed.

"Cassie! Baby wake up!" Still screaming, I backed against the wall…wait…wall? 

"Cassie are you okay sweetheart?" I breathed deeply, and almost laughed when I realized that it wasn't water, but sweat on my face. And I was definitely not drowning. My eyes adjusted to the dark and I could make out the vague outlines of my parent's figures.

"Are you okay?" my dad repeated himself.

"Fine. Just a bad dream." I got up on my feet and walked out the makeshift door before they could ask any more questions. I really wasn't in the mood to discus anything.

I took another deep breath and gazed up at the cornflower colored moon, the cool night air swept across my bare feet.

Hey.   I didn't bother looking around.  I knew I wouldn't be able to spot Tobias; except for the moon, it was almost pitch-black.

"What are you doing up this late?"

I'm guessing for the same reason you are. Nightmares. 

"You heard me?"

Yeah…are you okay? 

"Yeah, I'm surprised no one else heard."

He laughed. I'm not; Jake practically bored them to death today at the meeting. James actually fell asleep. 

"Hmm…wish I could've seen it."

…Sorry…I forgot…you didn't miss much anyway…

"It's okay, it's not your fault."

Yeah…

"Yeah…" We were silent for a couple of minutes.

… I…guess I'll see you in the morning…night. 

"Night." I never went to sleep. I couldn't…and even if I did manage to close my eyes and rest for a few fleeting moments, I knew my thoughts would soon be plagued with nightmares…horrible visions of my death…not by dracon beams or the blades of a hork bajir, but by fire, or water…I remembered my dream from last night. I remembered watching as my skin burned and curled…like fried bacon.

So instead of sleeping, I walked. Even though the ground was hard and littered with twigs and small rocks, it didn't bother me. All those times of having to walk bare footed after de-morphing actually paid off.

As I walked, I thought about my life before the war, I thought about how I'd gone from being the innocent little girl who'd liked to pretend to be a horse, to a killer; a murderer. I thought about Jake. How could a relationship that had taken almost three years to develop, be shattered in an instant? 


	2. A Walk Would Be Good

Jake's POV:

Chapter Two

I stared at the black sky; _black like the hole in my heart._ The moon was hidden behind the tree branches. _A light that I will never reach…_I would never be able to cleanse my soul of all the terrible things I had done. And at the moment, it seemed as though I would never get any sleep. I was on edge, my heart pounded in my ears like a drum…torturing me.

Or maybe I was torturing myself. Maybe I needed to go for a walk. _Yeah, a walk would be good. Pull yourself together Jake…_ I zipped up my windbreaker and walked slowly, appreciating the fact that for once I didn't have to make decisions; I didn't have to worry what the consequences of my actions would be. I just breathed in the night air and let my mind drift…and of course, I thought about the one thing that I _really_ didn't want to think about…her. 

She kept nagging at me…the look on her face when I didn't call her to the meeting…her face period. _No…not her face, her eyes…those eyes that could see right through me…the girl was a mind reader…she was…amazing…wait! What am I thinking? God…because of the choice she made…she might have cost us the war…_But wouldn't it all be worth it just to have her smile at me? _Those lips…to kiss her…to tell her I lo- I'm sorry?_

_A/N: Yes, yes it's short…what can I say? I'm consistent…lol anyway, truthfully every time I write this, it's late and I'm tired…so if I go a little off topic…blame it on lack of sleep. _

**Raspberry girl- hmm…why did I rewrite this? Good question. I guess because I didn't really like the other one…something about it was…off. The other reason is, I was going through my documents and I wrote sort of a sequel so I need this one to lead into the other story I'm writing and it just wasn't working.**


	3. Noises

Cassie's POV:

Chapter Three

I walked to the river and sat against a tree shivering; I hadn't realized how cool the air was down by the water and all I had on was shorts, a t-shirt, and my morphing outfit which all of us wore regularly. I wondered what I'd be doing if I could go home tomorrow night. Sitting at the dinner table maybe…sleeping in a warm bed…watching my mom laugh at one of my dad's corny jokes… _Is it possible to be jealous of yourself?_ Man, what I wouldn't give for a shower instead of having to wash up in a cold river everyday! I could almost feel the water running down my…_wait…it's raining…_

Funny how the weather seemed to reflect my mood…I thought of letting myself get soaked. After all, if I got pneumonia, I wouldn't have to fight. I wouldn't have to take part in whatever crazy scheme Jake cooked up. I wouldn't have to watch my best friend practically drool over the thought of a battle. Besides all that, I was too tired to move…the nightmares were beginning to take their toll on me.

_Snap!_

I jumped.

…_snap!_ My whole body tensed as the steps grew closer. I hadn't seen any wild animal bigger than a squirrel in the area around our camp, but I couldn't be sure if the steps were human. Hork Bajir were basically ruled out because they usually preferred climbing to walking- especially at this time of night.

I took a deep breath forced myself to stand up, if it _was_ a wild animal, I wanted to at least be able to run. I thought about morphing if it was a wolf or something, but then I thought it might not be such a good idea to use my powers- not that I was concerned about making anyone mad, but what was I going to do? Fight it? Knowing my luck I'd probably just make things worse and get myself killed.

The sound was maybe fifteen feet to my right. I braced myself and turned, slamming directly into a strong almost football player-like chest. _Okay, so I'm not too good at judging distance. _ I backed away, and my eyes traveled up to meet a pair of sad looking hazel ones.

**Like I said before…I'm consistent…lol IDK, I just can't seem to write long chapters with this story. Oh well, I tried.**

**PS. I'm working on chapter 4. Knowing how long my other chapters have been, it shouldn't take me too long. :-)**

**PPS.**** Does Cassie seem out of character to you?**


	4. Short Conversation

Jake's POV:

Chapter Four

"Jake? Oh, I'm sorry…"

By shoving my hands in my pockets and clenching my teeth, I was able to resist the urge to push her away from me. Whatever drug I was on twenty minutes ago had worn off, and now I was thinking clearly again.

"I bet you are."

"What?"

"Just watch where you're going next time." I walked around her and sat down close to the water. Every muscle in my body tensed; I frowned. The leader in me knew that completely alienating a member of the team was no way to win a war, but pride wouldn't let me apologize (even if I didn't mean it).

Sure, she saved my brother's life but she probably cost the life of everyone here, not to mention the freedom of everyone on Earth and the Andalite home world. "Are you waiting for something," I asked, after realizing she was still standing there. I heard her take a deep breath.

"No Jake, not anymore."

* * *

"Jake. Breakfast." I shivered. The cold, rainy night had turned into a cold, rainy morning and my windbreaker was doing little to keep me warm. Marco was already on his way back to the campfire when I turned around; those two words were the most he'd said to me all week. I didn't know whether I was more annoyed by that or by the fact that the only place I could find where I could sit alone and think was ruined because she'd been here. 


	5. The Difference a Half of a Day Makes

Cassie's POV:

Chapter Five

I stumbled back towards my hut. The moon was still out, and the sky was getting lighter, but that didn't make my journey any easier. My steps were heavy and less than graceful as I struggled to walk on the muddy ground. Twice I fell, and both times I threw out my hands just quick enough to avoid getting a mouthful of dirt.

I walked in and saw my mom asleep with her back against the wall of the shelter that was facing the door, wrapped up in the mess of blankets and sleeping bags that served as a bed. Dad was in a similar position, snoring with his mouth parted slightly. I felt a twinge of guilt and wondered how long they'd waited for me. Careful not to wake them, I tiptoed around the blankets over to the piece of rope my dad had somehow managed to attach to opposite walls. It made it easy to hang clothing items that we didn't exactly want the whole valley to see.

I grabbed my washcloth and tried my best to clean the mess off of my hands and legs, and then I fixed up my sleeping area and lied down on my back.

I must have spent a half an hour just staring at the ceiling that was covered in some sort of tree sap to keep the rain out. As usual when I couldn't sleep my mind drifted to thoughts of Jake and how his entire immediate family was captured by the Yeerks. I felt a chill go down my spine as I realized that I didn't feel sorry for him.

* * *

I woke up before my parents even though I had barely gotten four hours of sleep. I saw that they were still in the same spot as they were last night, and another wave of guilt washed over me as I made my way out the 'door' and over to the hut Rachel shared with her mom and two sisters.

"Hey," I said. She was standing outside, leaning against a tree a few feet away from the hut with her arms crossed.

"You look horrible."

"Well good morning to you too." I rolled my eyes. Naturally, she looked as though she'd just spent a week at a spa.

She laughed. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"I came to wake you up."

"You need to go back to sleep… and anyway Tobias beat you to it." I looked around. "He left about two minutes before you got here."

"Oh…what's wrong," I asked, after studying her face.

"Nothing, we just had a fight that's all." She turned away from me.

"Rachel I know the 'trouble in paradise' look and that wasn't it." We had been down this road many times before, so instead of trying to convince me otherwise, she gave in.

"I miss him."

"Yeah." She questioned me with her eyes. I gave her an 'of course' half smile to let her know I knew who she was talking about.

"Do you think he's…?"

"I'm sure he's fine. You're his daughter and you still have to schedule months ahead of time to stay with him for the weekend. I doubt anyone could tear him away from his job long enough to infest him."

"Cassie…?"

"Hmm…?" I knew she wasn't big on emotional moments. I smiled inwardly as she played with the hem of her shirt; searching for the words.

"Let's get breakfast."


	6. What She Said

Jake's POV:

Chapter Six

_Four Days Later_

"Marco isn't back yet."

So there it was.

At first I thought that her comment was the result of childhood innocence. Of course she wouldn't realize how much tension words could create. Even when everyone is thinking the same thing and stealing glances at the huge gap between me and Cassie (made even larger by Marco's absence), there's something about vocalizing those thoughts that makes jaws clench and backs stiffen. The air became thick and it felt like something was caught in my throat; I almost chocked on whatever _it _was when I looked up and saw the icy-blue eyes that _dared_ you to make fun of the blonde hair on her head…Of _course _she knew. Unlike her similarly-minded eldest sister, she had no constant outlet for the explosive personality that bubbled up inside her small ten-year-old body, so she chose this moment. Sara glanced around to observe the response to her statement, and then locked her eyes on me. I looked down into my spoon; tilting it slightly until I could see Cassie's reflection. Even while I was telling myself that I hated her, there was this part of me that still valued her opinion. When Cassie started to chew on her bottom lip I couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking.

An argument spontaneously broke out between Rachel and her mother…Sara continued talking; she was saying something about Marco being gone for four days…Naomi raised her voice in an attempt to yell over a screaming Rachel…everyone not related to me sat in an uncomfortable silence while Eva gave out breakfast. I focused on the spoon and their voices faded into a distant buzzing.

What did Cassie see in Sara's eyes? A troubled kid? A homesick girl? I could see Sara's eyes without looking at them. She blamed me for turning he oldest sister into a monster. She was challenging me; she was marking me as her enemy; she was a threat.

"UHH! I WISH YOU THREE WOULD JUST SHUT UP!"

My head snapped up. Jordan was another story. Her face was red but her expression was calm. Her eyes were just as fierce as Rachel's in the midst of our toughest battle but not as cold. She had enough patience to listen to the three of them for a full five minutes before saying anything. _I wonder…_

"Here you go Jake, eat up." Something landed with a 'plop' into my bowl.

"Thanks," I muttered without looking at Eva.

Jordan was level-headed, determined, and the possibility that her father _could_ be a controller was reason enough for her to want to destroy every Yeerk on the planet. _Plus…_I looked back down into the spoon. Eva was serving Cassie now. _Plus she wouldn't let me down when I needed her._

**A/N: The idea from this part in the plot came from pgs. 22-3 in book 53 and it's supposed to sort of fit in between the last paragraph from page 22 that ends on page 23 and the first paragraph on page 23. Instead of coming back from the assignment in 24 hrs, it is four days later and Marco still hasn't returned. As usual, I know what I want to happen but I can't figure out how to word it, so the next chapter might take a while.**


	7. What He Didn't Hear

Cassie's POV:

Chapter Seven:

_Four Days Ago_

"Let's get breakfast."

"Sure."

We walked in silence. At first it was an uncomfortable silence, but after a while it began to feel as if everything was normal. I wasn't the saboteur and she wasn't the bloodthirsty warrior. It felt like we were walking towards a stack of tapes and puffy sleeping bags instead of walking towards whatever today's cook was trying to pass off as breakfast.

"Hey Marco!" Rachel called out to him as he came out into the open from the direction of river bank. She slowed down and allowed him to catch up. When he did, she looked behind him as if expecting someone else, and moved away from me. I frowned; it wasn't like her to act one way around one person and a different way around another. _I guess we've filled our quota of normal for today._

"Wow! The all-powerful Rachel actually acknowledged me! I think you're getting too much fresh air."

"Hmm…all this fresh air… and you're _still_ not getting enough oxygen to your brain."

"Rachel, that comeback is kind of old; let me know when you get some new material."

"You're right, but it really doesn't matter. No matter how I say it you're still an idiot."

"_I'm _the idiot? You two are the ones out in the rain with no jackets on."

"Hi Marco," I said after they finished exchanging greetings.

"What's up?"

"Is Jake coming to breakfast," she asked. I noted the edginess in her voice.

"I told him it was ready, but I don't know, and I don't particularly care." He crossed behind Rachel and ended up on her right side, filling in the space between us. "Ahh…yes this is the life…" We both stared at him. He grinned. "Sandwiched in between two lovely ladies…I think I'm in heaven." I rolled my eyes.

"Ooo-kay, I think that's my cue to leave," Rachel said, speeding up and pulling ahead of us. I was pretty sure that her sudden departure had less to do with Marco's lame attempt at a joke, and more to do with the fact that we were getting closer to the main campfire.

I could see that the fire was low, but enough to keep everyone in the circle semi-warm. Everyone was seated in our usual arrangement under the large tarp that Marco's parents had set up: Eva was sitting at twelve o' clock with Peter to her left, and to his left was a space where Jake usually sat. Next was Marco's spot, then mine. My mom and dad sat with each other, and Loren sat in between my dad and Ax (who was in human morph). Jordan, Sara, and Naomi all sat next to each other. Rachel waved to them and took her place in between Marco's mom and her own mother.

"Oh well, I guess that means you get to have me all to yourself…"

I shook my head. "_You_ can have you all to yourself; I'm going to eat breakfast."

_Four Days Later_

"_Would it be too much to ask to have a peaceful breakfast once in a while," _my mom whispered in my ear. I shrugged and continued watching Sara who had just mentioned Marco's four-day absence. My mom had become more observant ever since she learned that I had been sneaking out of the house every night. She could tell an argument was about to start.

There was a moment when the only thing I could hear was a clinking sound as Eva spooned food into Loren's bowl, then….

"…I don't even think they know where he _is_!"

"_Hush_ _sweetie_, eat your breakfast." Naomi was obviously embarrassed by the outburst. "…Speaking of not knowing where someone is…Rachel, where were you last night?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes, it does."

"Ha! That's _really_ funny mom. I mean, I've been fighting aliens, for the past three years and taking care of Sara and Jordan for the past two. How come you chose now to start worrying about where I go and what I do?"

"Are you saying I don't care about you? Rachel, I've been doing the best that I can! Do you know how hard it is to raise three kids _and_ maintain a career with no help? I try-"

"Well, _sorry_ for the inconvenience!"

I heard all of this but kept my eyes fixed on Sara. I watched her lips move as she continued ranting but I didn't listen to her voice. I observed the way she sat on the stone that served as a chair. I analyzed the slightest changes in her expression…"UHH! I WISH YOU THREE WOULD JUST SHUT UP!" Jordan broke my concentration, and the conclusion I had been on the verge of making slipped away from me.

I sighed.

"Thanks," I said to Eva after she dropped some food into my bowl. I ignored the almost overpowering desire to comfort Sara in some way, and focused on my breakfast instead…

"_Uhh…"_

"What's wrong Cassie," asked my mom after catching the look on my face.

"…Nothing…I'm just not very hungry anymore…"


	8. Chapter 8

Jake's POV:

Chapter Eight

"And that concludes _this _breakfast," Rachel said, after one look at her food. She grabbed Eva's hand to keep her from walking away, and then dumped the contents of her bowl back into the pot in one quick motion. A large glob of oatmeal goo slid down the side and splattered onto the grass. My stomach turned.

"Rachel!"

_Gross_...

"No offense, but I _cannot _eat that… not now, not ever again." She got up. "I can't even look at it."

"Rachel, sit down and stop acting like a four year old!"

I surveyed the circle. Three faces clearly read: _Here we go again._ One mirrored my expression of disgust. Another was busy shoveling the gook into his mouth, oblivious to the outside world. The rest just seemed confused. Rachel ignored her mother's protests and, visibly pale, took off in the direction of her hut. Tobias followed.

An awkward silence passed where normally, a joke would have been. I rose to my feet, walked over to where my godmother stood, and held my oatmeal out to her.

"I don't suppose you want extra," she asked, still looking in the direction Rachel had run off to. I shook my head while flashing an apologetic smile.

"Right…you're excused."

I went off to find my cousin, leaving Ax and Cassie to do the explaining. Rachel and I needed to talk.

* * *

"No; absolutely not."

"Can you just hear me out for a second?"

"I heard you, and what you're saying is insa-is never going to happen."

"Rachel, we're a team member short; we need the manpower, and honestly? I think she can handle it."

"You mean two team members don't you?"

"What?"

"You can't exclude someone from the group whenever you feel like it and then expect them to jump up and start taking orders from you."

"… …Don't change the subject."

We were in my hut, which was really more of a wide lean-to that was constructed well enough to keep the rain out. There was a lot more space than I needed.

"Jake, I don't want to put either one of my sisters' lives in danger." _Look around; it's kind of too late for that._

"I'm _only _talking about Jordan, and only if she wants to. I wouldn't force her or try to convince her…I'll just ask."

My 'room' consisted of a sleeping pallet on top of a tarp. A knapsack in the corner contained my clothes and the few personal effects I had managed to grab sometime before we dragged everyone here.

"You and I both know she'll agree to it whether she really wants to or not…" She looked away suddenly, took stock of my Spartan living conditions, frowned, and then stared me straight in the eyes. "I don't care if you think she can handle it," she said forcefully, "I don't want here anywhere near _it._ She's barely fourteen years old…she's too young."

"The funny thing is… that night… you were no older than she is now. What's the difference Rachel?"

The _difference _is that we didn't have a choice."

"There's always a choice. We could have done nothing; choosing to do nothing is still choosing." She let out a heavy sigh.

"Look Jake, I told Tobias I'd meet him. I have to go but I meant what I said: No."

"Okay." She pushed back the heavy blanket the covered the opening to the shelter. "Can I ask you just one more thing though?"

"What," she responded without turning around.

"Since when, is there an appropriate age for _war_?"


	9. Chapter 9

Cassie's POV:

Chapter Nine

The days tend to drag on when you're stuck waiting around for the world to explode. Breakfast was _completely_ ridiculous… after a few moments of staring at each other, the non-Animorphs decided that they did not want or need an explanation for Rachel's episode, and that was the end of that.

We went about our usual routines. I was taking food inventory with Loren.

"…four cans of corn, and a case of canned fruit."

"How many cans of fruit?"

"Twelve cans of sliced peaches and twelve mixed."

"Lovely selection," she said without a hint of sarcasm, while extending a hand to help me up. She was one of the three human adults in our camp that fully accepted the circumstances. She was always ready to assist, and generally calm.

I guess gaining your sight and your son on the same day will make you that way.

"Thanks." I stretched and brushed the dirt off of my sweatpants. We exited the supply shack.

"So, what now?" "_What now? That's a good question. _I shielded my eyes from the sun and peered out across the compound. On the surface, our camp was a well-oiled machine. The sound of tools and voices floated in the air. Humans, Hork Bajir, and one young Andalite moved about like worker bees, building new structures, maintaining the old, washing clothes, washing dishes, gathering fire wood, teaching— trying to find anything to keep themselves busy.

"Cassie?"

"Huh? Uh…I think they could use help building that shelter over there."

A good look around revealed the severity of our situation. Where was our stronghold? Mud and bark wouldn't keep the Yeerks out for five minutes. Where was Marco with soldiers and artillery? Where was our leader?

I walked with Loren to the latest construction project between my hut and Marco's cabin. On the way we passed the picnic table where Naomi was holding the first English class of the day for the Hork Bajir. Her tone was light but the look on her face was the same as it had been since she arrived: jaw set and fury in her eyes.


	10. Chapter 10

Jake's POV:

Chapter Ten

"Um…you did say after dinner…right?" She took an uncertain step into my… box. The blanket fell back in place smothered what little light there was.

"Yes."

"Oh…okay… …did you talk to her?"

"Yeah I did."

"What'd she say?"

"You know what she said, but you're still in, right?" It was more of a statement than a question.

"I hate not carrying my own weight."

"So you're still in." _I saw myself through a separate set of eyes; I was the younger, more naïve Jake that was standing against the higher wall, observing this meeting between a monster and his little cousin. His tone was forceful; he needed confirmation…she had to say the words…_

"I can't just sit around and do nothing while-"

"-but you're _in_?"

"I'm in." _An almost invisible smile passed across his lips: satisfaction._

"Good."

"…Um…do you have an oil lamp in here…or something?"

"Huh?" We-young Jake and the monster-were one again. "…Forget that and come on." I grabbed her arm and pulled her from my cave and out into the night. The stars were daylight by comparison.

We walked the path I had mapped out earlier that afternoon. It wouldn't be hard to sneak her out; even with the Hork Bajir helping us there were plenty of gaping holes in our defense system that she could use.

I mentioned this to her.

"And mom still can't escape..."

"Well, your mother's a very direct sort of person. Why slip out the backdoor when she can march out the front?" She turned to me.

"You mean like my sister?"

"Not quite. I think your sister would rather make a whole in the wall."

"Wow. Okay."

"We're here."

"_This…_ is it?"

"Yes."


End file.
